Please kill them!

I am back now after a bit of writers block, so never fear all three of you who sometimes read this blog, there's more hilarity to follow.
I attended a barbeque the other night, thrown by a good friend of mine. Now you normaly wouldn't think that a party would be the place for dark thoughts, but i can safely say i wanted to commit mass murder that night.
Picture the scene, a long table at which about 12 girls and only 2 guys only one of whom was straight (that was me!) were seated. At my half of the table there were a group of people who i would classify as dear friends who have been matured by several years in the workforce, and at the other end a gagggle of women and gay men who had the collective intelligence of a 3 year old. Normally i can handle really stupid and annoying people (yes i know, i can sometimes be one) simply by using words with more than 2 syllables, but they started doing something that really bugs me.
They started taking photos of themselves with a camera held at arms length.
Oh come on Dan, i hear you say, get over it they're only having fun!
Well i am going to have to politely ask you to cram that up your arse. You see, i have this deeply held belief that photos taken from arms length will be the reason for the collapse of western society.
I can understand the principle behind it. Take photos of yourself having fun, but why take a photo where the end result is a blurry shot of your upper arm and two people grinning like a school boy who just caught a sneak peak up his class mates skirt.
You know all the flashing lights at nightclubs, that isn't strobe lighting intending to create a party atmosphere. oh no that is the result of hundreds of drunk girls taken shots of the druken arms.

It is for the above reasons, i spent about an hour wishing the camera that was having it memory card crammed with the same photo of lesser intelligence would explode in a cloud of idiot killing gas.
i would like to appeal to all the people who find what i am saying offensive, to please please stop! I am not alone in my beliefs, there are many others who want to slap you.
The asians got it right, they at least ask you to take their photo so when they return home from a long trip Kodaking Australia they can at least show semi decent photos of themselves to their friends.
Right i am done now. Apologies to anyone who got angry reading this, unless you take photos at arms length then we shall duel at dawn.

Some Fine Videos

Right i have just returned from yet another long ride with no brakes and i am knackered. So to cheer myself up i give you some of my favourite movies on youtube for this week. Basically they are some Japanese guys doing some crazy shit (they aren't subtitled but please be patient as there is some funny shit) and since we are just starting to move into the drawing phase of my class there is a video here of someone drawing some very 'interesting' cartoons.
check them out.
I would also like to quickly mention that www.youmustchoose.com is one of the funniest websites i have ever been to.

Celebrating Medeocrity

It is with a heavy heart that i write this. You see i have just returned home from a brief car journey, wherein i heard the same song played at the same time on 3 different radio stations, i also head the same add 4 times across 2 stations, and to cap it all off the only song i could find worth listening to was, 'My Heart Will Go On' by that pain in the arse Titanic woman.
I have had it with the main stream media. I am sick of turning on the radio every morning and hearing amateur talent being braodcast alongside amateur music. If i hear Michelle Laurie say "ya know whad i mean" one more time i will hunt her down and gag her, (she is acctually related to my girlfriends mum, so don't think i couldn't find her!)
Problem is its not only the dj's who are pissing me off, its the music. If you were to go down to Nova or B105 and look in their music vault you will probably find about 5 cd's, 2 of Britney Spears, 2 of Random Shit Hop, oh sorry i mean Hip Hop and 1 cd of Celine Dion. Why is there such fear in the media, fear of the original, fear of the new. I probably have more interesting music in my record colletion (you know records, they are those round flat black things your grandma used to listen to) than all the Radio stations in Brisbane put together.
Some of the best songs i have ever heard are ones i had to search through the bargain bin to find.
Its the same with television. Take a look at any sitcom coming out of hollywood today and you'll swear they were all written by the same person. Even England is guilty of this, with shows such as Little Britain. Sure it was funny the first time round, but I am left wondering after 3 series of what is basically the same joke, why is it still on air. Oh look someone is trying to book a holiday, will the computer say no.......oh yes it did, oh wow how do they come up with these gags.
I do have a point so please bare with me. If i am to go on and become an animator, i am almost certainly at some point going to endevour to create my own show. But being a bit wierd and crazy, it will most likely be something unlike most of the modern trash you see on tellie today. But if originality is frowned upon, all this leaves me with is becoming yet another studio drone churning out desktop animations of semi naked, big breasted women (no offence Ian).
So do i struggle on and create something new, or do i become yet another in-betweener. I think this saying sums it up. Its better to have loved and to have lost, than to have listened to an album by Olivia Newton-John.

Ow

I would like it known i have once again burned my leg on a hot exhaust pipe and it friggin hurts!!!

The Bookies are Now Open

You should all know by now that at least two people have fallen asleep in one of Jane's classes (thats my art'n'stuff teacher, in case there is acctually anyone who reads this who isnt in my class), i won't mention either Ryan or Jess' names.
Many would see this as just plain old bad manners and lack of respect, but i am not so sure. You see i think i have found the culprit. Both times Jane was showing us a Powerpoint presentation, and with all the bright light making our eyes water and all the long hours we spend animating each night (to perfect our technique for Ian) we are all pretty tired. The bright light simply forces our eyes closed and that is when the sandman strikes.
So to make this spectacle more interesting i suggest we take bets on who will be the next to fall asleep.
The contenders are: Myself with odds of 8:1, Gen with 4:1 and Ryan with 1:1.
You can place your bets with me and the winner will recieve a $100 gift certificate for Cpt Snooze.

A Little Advice

Here are two things a straight man should never say whilst visiting a gay bar.

1. Excuse me, can i please move your stool?

2. Excuse me, can i bum a fag?

Happiness

This one is for Ian. Apparently i vent too much anger and hatred on this blog of mine, so to lighten the mood here are some happy things.

Australia says no to Emo

Ive noticed over the past few years a trend that seems to be grabbing hold of certain youths. I believe it is called EMO, which is apparently short for 'EMOtioanl', or maybe it stands for Eat My Orrifice. Not entirely sure, but the one thing I do know is this disease needs fighting.
Seeing as it is popular to pay out on these emotional charged teens I decided to do my research in order to assertain the reason for this. So after a quick intenet search I found this posted on someone's myspace or some other teen bonding site.

hey!!!
love da page!!!
yeah...
i think evry1 is a emo at heart...
i used to b a emo...
couldnt take all da names ppl called me
so i stopped...
but im still a emo at heart!!
so ive become a fan!!
ive got a few emo pics if ya wanna copy them!!!
do my emo qiuz!!

luv ya's!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This message trailed away into a lot of X's that seemed to form a picture of a tattooed youth cutting himself on the penis whilst touching another boy.
It is becoming all too clear. First thing that bothered me was the terrible abreviations for some of this simplest words in the English language, second was the fact that my IQ seemed to drop for a brief moment whilst reading it.
But this wasn't enough, I had to find more of a reason before I could completely commit to being an EMO basher. Then I found some photo's of a heavily tattooed young man who looked like he eats kittens in his spare time.
This brings me to my next point, the EMO "style". It seems to comprise of a lot of hair dye and gel and possibly a lack of sunlight for the past 10 years.
The easiest method for gaining this look is to apply your hair gel then jump off a roof into a deep bucket of black hair dye, this gives you that windswept cunt look. Next you simply dress as though you are a child trying to be cool then climb into the nearest wardrobe and stay there for about a year, this gives you that nice white skin that is craved so much.
Worst part is I never knew of the existance of these little bastards until I left high school, probably because I was too busy being normal. For some reason they make me feel so old, even though I am only 21.
So remember kiddies if a strange man dressing in black who is covered in tatooes, with stupid black hair and a stud through his lip approaches you and asks if you want to go to a club where people pee on each other, Falcon Punch him where his testicles once were.

Harder, Better, Faster, Gayer

Let me just start by saying that Kayne West needs to have his head cut off then boiled and eaten with cous cous for what he has done to modern music.
The music industry seems to have fallen into a rut in the past few years, what with dreary songs about killing oneself to grossly unnecessary film clips being released. There was the odd bastion of decent material to be found amongst the likes of one of my favourite group, Daft Punk. Their music is just so different, so powerful, when you hear it you simply have to strut your funky stuff. Unfortunately for me this beautiful french electronica has been defiled, by none other than the music industries latest copy cat. Instead of doing what every other RnB artist in history does and think of something original, he simply steals other singers' music and lyrics and then adds aggressive bitches and ho's beats to it, stamps his name on the record and lets the cash flow in.
My biggest problem with this is that there is no-one who sounds even remotely the same as Daft Punk. In this world of medeocrity they have managed to create something completely new. That was until mister West walked in.
I'm angry now, i am going to go and listen to some Daft Punk to calm down.

Falcon Punch

Harsh but fair!

Schindlers Lift

The other day i was standing in the lift waiting to be transported oh so slowly to the third floor of H block when i looked down and noticed something strange. Written on the bottom of the lift was the word Schindler, obviously the company responsible for that time capsule some call a lift.
Now I think you can see where this is going, if not may i suggest you get a sense of humour. Yes you guessed it 'Schindlers Lift', hilarious i know!
I'll pause here so you can chuckle to yourself.
I am starting to wonder if this particular brand of lift was inspired by the 1993 classic directed by Steven Spielberg as both Schindlers Lift and Schindlers List are painfully slow!

Gratuitous Nudity

Now you may think by reading the above title that this is going to be about delicious nudity, and you would be right. Although i would recommend that you ungird your loins and put away the lube as this blog is about the male of the species.
Last night i had the misfortune to witness Geoffrey Rush's meat and two vege in the movie 'Quills'.
The scene was decieving, as once again the kit off all the goods were craftily hidden amongst shadows with the odd bit of side ball. I mistakenly thought i was going to be spared the sight of genitals in their 40's when the camera swung round to reveal the very thing i was trying to avoid.
Normally i would simply shudder and then move on but i respect Geoffrey Rush. He is what i think an actor should be, down to earth and humble in his excellence, but now i feel i know him too intimitately. if i was to ever meet him i couldn't look him in the eye, simply because i have seen his penis. I would feel that i would have to show him mine simply to even the score, some might call that wierd and i would agree.
This is why i think there should be a world wide ban on male nudity in film. We simply aren't designed to look good without the aide of clothing.